The Darkest Night

You think you understand suffering; of all kinds and types, that you can relate to every form of pain and your empathy is as vast as the ocean
But the thing is until you've been through the same dark hole you'll never truly understand
You haven't even begun to scratch the surface of what it means to be in that type of hell

It's so messed up cause you don't even know how you'll react until it happens
You think you'd brave but few minutes in you're weeping uncontrollably
Or you expect a cry baby but somehow you manage to soldier on and not shed a tear, you keep moving, emotionless
Sometimes you just freeze up; unable to act or make sense of the situation, cause in truth the worst kind of suffering is the one that's completely unexpected

It's in these moments that we see ourselves for who we truly are, these highly unanticipated moments that hit us hard and sweep the rug from under our feet
When you feel like things are as bad as they can get, but life looks you in the eye and puts up a colossal middle finger, right before he hits you with something so horrible that you'll never have dreamt of it in your worst nightmares
These are the moments that all facades and masks fall off; even the ones we didn't know we put up
Everything's laid bare; all our beautiful and ugly parts, every single thing we've buried consciously and unconsciously, for the world and for us to see

Your world is a different kind of hell, cause you're not just dealing with the present catastrophe, but because something as horrible as this could happen; something utterly unexpected and unprecedented, your mind goes into dark overdrive and thinks up all the most gruesome things that could follow
It feels like heaven has forsaken you and everything in hell and below is possible, all things bright and beautiful cease to exist for you

Unadulterated despair; the total absence of every form of hope, that's what follows
It's a new and bizarre kind of hell and even the most cheerful soul will take at least the shortest of trip down this dark road called misery
At this point nothing makes sense anymore, your world has turned on it's head, up is down and down is up, nothing matters anymore

Everything you thought that meant the world to you comes falling down like teardrops and all that's left is nothing
A void so vast that you just want to cry a river, but you don't even know how to cry; you can't cry, cause something just sucked out the light out of you and it feels like all that's hopeful and good in the world is gone and you'll never smile or laugh again, it's beyond tears or screams
There's no tomorrow or yesterday or now, just darkness....impenetrable darkness, and infinite sense of hopelessness and the overwhelming need to end it all.
No brightest day after this darkest night, just perpetual darkness
That's the thing about darkest nights; you never really know how long they last, or if you'll be alive to see the accursed "brightest day" that never seems to show up when you need it the most

But you take a step, it's always some small simple task; helping out in some little way, then the next task, and another till it hits you that it isn't rock bottom yet
So you try to rectify it as much as you can and cling firmly to any form of hope, anywhere you can find it, it doesn't matter what they're saying or if it makes any sense, as long as they're selling you're buying

Comments

  1. SomtoJuly 7, 2020 at 12:48 PM

    I love this, all of it. It's as though you're in my head, as though you've gained access to my inner thoughts and written them in the most apt form ever. I look forward to experiencing all you've described in the last paragraph.

    PS: stay out of my head! 🙂

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jeremy MmejeJuly 10, 2020 at 2:47 AM

      I think every this is every writer's dream, to have their readers connect and relate to the pictures they paint with words, in the deepest and most multi dimensional form
      Thank you very much for this

      Delete
  2. FiApril 26, 2025 at 8:10 PM

    What Somto said!
    But the aftermath of real pain is beautiful. Have you really lived or loved if you haven’t felt pain? Like really felt it. It changes you, you see everything differently, your heart becomes lighter, your smiles are brighter, because you know the dark hell that exists on the other end. Sadly it could also do the exact opposite, or even worse, we never find our way out of the tunnel..

    ReplyDelete
  3. Jeremy MmejeApril 27, 2025 at 8:42 PM

    3 words: You know pain. It takes serious depth to observe both sides

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Living Death (2 of 2)

  This Living Death is the reason why you see so many unhappy married people over 40. They're shells of their former selves. Where light and warmth used to be, now there's only cold bitterness and anger. The places where mirth and joy used to abound aplenty have been laid to waste with heavy darkness and vast emptiness. They have little or no joy to give, so they look for happiness in all the wrong places. In money, alcohol, drugs, vices and hedonism. They love things and use people rather than the other way around. They've lost sight of who they are and all that they used to love. So now they walk around like deathly wraiths, spreading gloom and misery to all who they come in contact with; their homes are ground zero for the mini pandemic that is their existence. This phenomenon isn't exclusive to marriages; it happens in romantic relationships too. People lose and find themselves in love. Especially that first love, the overwhelming desire to keep that person makes us...
Read more

The Living Death (1 of 2)

 One of the scariest things about the concept of marriage as a lifetime commitment is what I call 'The Living Death'.  This is basically losing a part of yourself due to certain circumstances. The living death isn't just exclusive to marriage. Over the course of our lives, there are certain parts of ourselves that die. Like a snake that sheds its skin, over time we lose habits and aspects of our personality, some more prominent than others. These changes define us and form our sense of self and personality over time. And like any death, the grief we feel over these losses differs based on how prominent these aspects of our personality were; sometimes we don't recognise these deaths until months and years later, and sometimes we never do. The thing with most of these deaths is that for most of them, it's unintentional; they happen because of indirect external influence or change in preferences. Take sagging, for example. For most kids, they sag during their teens thr...
Read more