The Living Death (2 of 2)

 This Living Death is the reason why you see so many unhappy married people over 40. They're shells of their former selves. Where light and warmth used to be, now there's only cold bitterness and anger. The places where mirth and joy used to abound aplenty have been laid to waste with heavy darkness and vast emptiness. They have little or no joy to give, so they look for happiness in all the wrong places. In money, alcohol, drugs, vices and hedonism. They love things and use people rather than the other way around. They've lost sight of who they are and all that they used to love. So now they walk around like deathly wraiths, spreading gloom and misery to all who they come in contact with; their homes are ground zero for the mini pandemic that is their existence.

This phenomenon isn't exclusive to marriages; it happens in romantic relationships too. People lose and find themselves in love. Especially that first love, the overwhelming desire to keep that person makes us do things that surprise us; we're pushed to limits we didn't know existed for us, and that's when we discover new sides to ourselves.

There's a certain level of accountability that comes with being in a relationship that too many people are not ready for. Sometimes too little is given, which is just disrespectful to the other party, and other times too much is demanded, which feels manipulative and controlling. There are other changes that are expected of someone in a relationship and which lead to a great many problems. The simple truth is this: as the level and the seriousness of the bond and relationship you share with someone go up, so also more sacrifices are expected of both parties involved. And it is in these sacrifices that life or death is found.

Though not all changes are bad; with the right person you can grow into a better soul, and the love you share will guide you to greatness. They won't have to force you but rather lead you into the changes that will help you achieve true happiness and peace.

The dangers are the negative changes, the ones that don't necessarily change your life for the better, especially the ones that take away your light.

Therefore, the problem lies in discerning the positive from the negative changes. The ones that heal your spirit from the ones that break it.

The goal is to find someone who lights up your life with the fire of life that is love, rather than someone who kills your flame and leaves you a 'Living Dead'.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Darkest Night

Image
You think you understand suffering; of all kinds and types, that you can relate to every form of pain and your empathy is as vast as the ocean But the thing is until you've been through the same dark hole you'll never truly understand You haven't even begun to scratch the surface of what it means to be in that type of hell It's so messed up cause you don't even know how you'll react until it happens You think you'd brave but few minutes in you're weeping uncontrollably Or you expect a cry baby but somehow you manage to soldier on and not shed a tear, you keep moving, emotionless Sometimes you just freeze up; unable to act or make sense of the situation, cause in truth the worst kind of suffering is the one that's completely unexpected It's in these moments that we see ourselves for who we truly are, these highly unanticipated moments that hit us hard and sweep the rug from under our feet When you feel like things are as bad as they ca...
Read more

The Living Death (1 of 2)

 One of the scariest things about the concept of marriage as a lifetime commitment is what I call 'The Living Death'.  This is basically losing a part of yourself due to certain circumstances. The living death isn't just exclusive to marriage. Over the course of our lives, there are certain parts of ourselves that die. Like a snake that sheds its skin, over time we lose habits and aspects of our personality, some more prominent than others. These changes define us and form our sense of self and personality over time. And like any death, the grief we feel over these losses differs based on how prominent these aspects of our personality were; sometimes we don't recognise these deaths until months and years later, and sometimes we never do. The thing with most of these deaths is that for most of them, it's unintentional; they happen because of indirect external influence or change in preferences. Take sagging, for example. For most kids, they sag during their teens thr...
Read more